Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
