hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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