you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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