i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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