so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
