Christians are straight up FREAKS
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
