I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
