gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
