Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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