that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
