Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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