Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
