He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
do nipples grow back?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
