3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
