I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need water and some morals
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
