the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So apparently I’m into choking now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
