I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
