i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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