i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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