Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
