dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
