last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
