I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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