I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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