the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
