i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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