why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
