you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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