just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
