bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
