I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize