I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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