I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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