just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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