i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
