A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
