i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
