if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
