Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
