Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
