just come out here and I will go home with you...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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