Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
