She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Someone signed my nipple.
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