she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
