just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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