Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
