So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
