you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
