you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
