i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
