I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important