dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.