is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys