if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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