our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
