If that was your dad, he is hot
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
