my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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