I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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