Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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