I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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