wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
