Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
