If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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