He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
